You Can’t Solve Depression By Living Fast

Focus on building momentum instead

It usually starts slow. It’s depression’s most finessed skill. You see it in how adept it is at slowly moving the dial on the clock so you’re waking up later and later. If it grabs hold of your momentum, the barometer doesn’t suddenly hit “E”, it knows to move slowly so that it doesn’t set off any red flags in your brain.

Instead of, “Holy shit, something is W.R.O.N.G.”, you don’t notice until you have one foot on empty and the other holding on to your lifeline.

I was first introduced to its ways when I was 21 years old. Legal to drink and legal to be depressed, apparently. Hindsight being 20/20 I should have seen it coming — I was graduating from college, I’d made end of life decisions for my grandma, I was then grieving her loss. My life was a recipe for depression to set in and yet, I didn’t feel it when it arrived, because who can?

It’s like the light wisp of a leaf against your skin — barely noticeable until maybe a while later when the rash shows up and you realize you were highly allergic.

That’s how depression has always felt for me. It’s slow and impactful and hard to get rid of. It’s a visible expression of layers that have been building up inside for longer than I have noticed.