What Happens When Self-Care Doesn’t Take The Anxiety Away

The anxiety was sitting in my throat, in my stomach and in the back of my eyes. I was choking on the words that would speak into existence what I was thinking — I was anxious because I felt guilty for being happy. I had unshed tears that spoke to the stress of being pulled in opposite directions — I was overwhelmed by the anxiety and sad that I felt this way in the first place. The pit in my stomach, this spoke to the reality that old habits die hard and the strong ties between my anxiety and my body were still there for however faint they’d been recently.

I was a conglomeration of feelings. In my mind was a woman with a shield in front of her face trying her best to ward the worst of this off. I journaled. I spoke positive affirmations at every threat to my happiness. I sought out manageability in all that felt unmanageable. I did what I know helps and then I ran out of things to do.

So, I sat.

I sat on my bed and stared at the television playing Friends. I gave into the feeling of anxiety and shed tears that like a pulley made the knot in my throat rise up until the words flowed like a waterfall.

I sat with the reality that self-care doesn’t always take your anxiety away and maybe it was never supposed to. Sometimes it simply helps clear the room to make space for the…