The Two Words That Help My Mental Health And Creativity

“Not Yet”

I almost passed out once because of a panic attack. I was sitting on a bench on the Museum of Natural History’s patio in New York City. It was a warm summer day and I confused anxiety with heat exhaustion, so by the time I realized I was panicking, I was too far gone. My thoughts had already moved from a slow climb to an unbearable fast spiral, I remember my breath and heart following suit.

Putting my head down on the picnic table and shifting my vision to the right didn’t help me see a future where I wasn’t full of dread, instead it had me convinced I was going to die facing a Starbucks on Amsterdam Avenue that always got my order wrong.

Any time I think of mental health struggles, I think of that moment behind the Museum of Natural History because most days being so far gone into the dread makes you feel like there’s no climbing out unless we’re catapulted by something or someone. I’ve been lucky that while my twenties have been punctuated by more panic attacks, it’s also had the thread of therapy woven through it.

Therapy is where I learned the two magic words that have catapulted me an endless number of times. They have helped me manage my mental health, my expectations, and my creativity. Not. Yet.